The Current Climate of Fear ©

Once again, there are reports in the media of goats from foreign parts finding their way into our traditional British Transport Cafes. Normally, of course, this would not matter too much, but these - as you know - are not normal times.

The government, the security services and the media have spent a great deal of time and effort in creating The Current Climate of Fear (©2001 Bush-Blair Consortium), often on little or no factual basis. For all of them it is important to maintain the continuing level of mindless hysteria and formless dread by perpetuating the general uneasy feeling of crisis for as long as possible. It comes at just the right time for a media desperate for hysterical headlines in order to reverse their rapidly declining circulations or viewing figures. It may also enable the police to look good by making arrests with a great deal of good publicity. It could also allow the security services to increase their power and influence. For the politicians it could enable them to seem to have some use and purpose, and - at last - be seen to be actually doing something. It could – quite possibly – even make Gordon Brown look of some use. A long shot I know, but stranger things have happened*.

Hence, the sudden concern about the foreign goats. For, not only are they foreign, they also have beards and speak a language very different from ours. The fact that so many of them seem to frequent transport cafes, is also a matter of great concern as these cafes are so central to the infrastructure of this country.

The great fear is that if the Great British lorry driver is somehow prevented from ingesting his traditional fry-up and several gallons of excessively-sweet tea by the wily tricks of these foreign goats, then the entire country could come to a halt. Not only destroying our way of life, but also bringing untold chaos, especially at this time of year when it is so important for us all to purchase huge amounts of unnecessary stuff in order for the economy to make a few more faltering steps away from the wreckage of the recent recession. Therefore the free flow of goods must be kept going at all costs.

So it is the duty of every upstanding and patriotic British subject to make sure our great transport cafes are free from these foreign goats and that our noble and proud lorry drivers are at ease to enjoy their meals in safety and security before returning to their vital and essential task.

 

*Precisely what could be stranger than that, though, does elude me for the moment.