Nut Allergies Face Trial

Following news that Cambridge University researchers are to conduct a test of a potential treatment for peanut allergies, the UK civil service has announced that it too is about to undertake similar experiments to counter nut allergies.

A spokesman for the Civil Service said:

Following several reports from civil service staff, the head of the civil service has investigated several claims from civil servants that the politicians they have to work with are all completely nuts.

Of course, the head of the civil service is fully aware that any sensible person forced to be in the immediate vicinity of a politician will begin to feel unwell, and – in most cases – begin to doubt their own sanity, but civil servants do have many years of training in how to avoid too close a contact with politicians, and – consequently – we had hoped that the danger of these allergic reactions would have been minimised. Sadly this now seems to have not been the case.

In the early years of their careers, civil servants are only minimally exposed to politicians, and then only under strictly controlled laboratory conditions. If any sign of an allergic reaction is discovered, then that person is kept well away from politicians for the rest of their career. Gradually, over the years, it is hoped that a civil servant acquires a tolerance for being in the company of a politician, and that increasing exposure to the loopier notions and ideas of the politicians builds up a resistance to the politicians infecting the civil servant with any policies.

Of course, civil servants do a vital job in protecting this country and its people, from the worst lunacies of politicians. However, increasingly over the last few governments it seems that there has been little or no break from political lunacy, suggesting that maybe some top level civil servants have become infected with politics to such a degree that their natural human tolerance for political infection has broken down.

However, as one political allergy researcher pointed out:

Normally, human beings have a natural immunity to the lunacies of politicians, and know – almost instinctively – that they are all completely nuts. However, the current cabinet, especially Ed ‘Total’ Balls, Dirty Harry Harman and – of course – the PM, Gordon Brown, himself are utterly hatstand even when compared to other politicians. Consequently that immunity built up over the career of a civil servant would have been totally ineffective when faced with the idiocies this government, those three especially, produce on an almost daily basis.