Celebrity Knitwear Disparagement

Henceforth Dynoblaster is undoubtedly the UK’s leading exponent of celebrity knitwear disparagement. It is quite usual for most of us to engage in informal knitwear disparagement of those we see out and about, usually in our out of town shopping centres, especially during the post Christmas period when the knitwear given as Christmas presents by close relatives is often on display, sometimes for the first – and last – time.

Socio-biologists have – almost inevitably – compared the usually gaudy post-Christmas knitwear to the mating plumage of birds, especially considering that it is the male of the species who is usually decked out in the most eye-watering knitwear during this post-Christmas period. However, many have criticised this theory, pointing out that most human mating takes place before – not after – Christmas and then is usually confined to the relative darkness of the stationery cupboard during the office Christmas party.

However, Dynoblaster’s forte is pointed and acerbic criticism of the knitwear choices of celebrities, especially when they commit that most heinous of celeb-crimes by not conforming to what has been declared fashionable for that particular time of the year. Obviously her TV programme is hugely successful as - it seems – the general populace like nothing better than to revel in petty vindictive criticism of those they see as getting above themselves*, allied to the chance to air their own vindictiveness from the safety and anonymity of the mass phone poll that closes each episode of Dynoblaster’s Celebrity Knitwear Exposed!, that results in one celebrity being voted off the programme each week, until at the end of the series, and with a final very lucrative ‘Extra-special You Must Vote Now!’ phone poll to decide which celebrity – according to those that watch this programme, anyway – has the finest (and – of course – most expensively fashionable) collection of knitwear – at least until the next series of Celebrity Knitwear Exposed!

 

*Ironically, this is probably the best description of a vacuous talent-less celebrity there is, as they are by definition in the social pecking order far above where normally their dubious, if not non-existent ‘talents’ would place them.