Long Range Pastries

Fossilbed Granulation is these days best known for her use of the low diving board to recalibrate the mathematical tables first set up by Triangulation Membrane that tabulated the angle at which a cheese scone should be launched when used as an offensive weapon.

Membrane Tables, as they became known, have been used for many hundreds of years to launch cakes, pastries and other such items as enemies, usually quite successfully, especially when stale cakes were used in an offensive capacity such as the siege of Nuneaton in the English Cheese War.

However, as technology developed, and with the introduction of low-earth orbit intercontinental cake icing, it was found that Membrane Tables were no longer accurate enough for modern warfare.

Granulation’s work, therefore, was much concerned with the use of long range pastries and the guidance systems used in the cake-capable missiles used to deliver multi-cake warheads onto their targets, which entailed a detailed study of the aerodynamic properties of cakes and pastries.

Although, credited with the first successful attempt to put a Cornish pasty in low earth orbit, and – later - winning the Nobel prize for cake and pastry science with her theoretical work on the in-flight stresses experienced by fondant fancies in turbulence, it is Granulation’s subtle re-workings of what had become known as Membrane’s law that has made her the household name she is these days wherever intercontinental cake-based warfare is discussed.