Ethical Headgear

There are times it seems when the world geo-political situation means that one has simply no other choice, but to wear a hat. Of course, such a decision is not to be taken lightly, especially if one likes to count oneself amongst that dwindling band of the Right-On Politically-Correct Left, where choice of headgear will be dictated more by political fashion-following masquerading as ethics than by such things as practicality, usefulness and fitness for the prevailing weather conditions.

For those on the Left, some hat choices are indeed quite straightforward, obviously with its association with the evil empire of America the cowboy hat is a complete no-no, especially as it is associated with the more right-leaning American states such as Texas. This association with America will also, of course, completely rule out the baseball cap too, which is itself further tainted by being the headgear of choice for the chav. Now, whilst the Left-leaning person does like to pretend to like the lower orders of society, on no account do any of them want to be caught by anyone who they know, and consequently need to impress with their up-to-date right-onness, wearing anything which those lower orders would themselves consider fashionable or stylish.

The bowler hat too can be discounted by the Left as its associations with capitalism move it completely beyond the pale. As, of course, can the top hat.

However, for those on the Left the choice is not then quite so simple for other hats. Take for example, the flat cap, this is an almost traditional working class hat, so in most cases one could be on safe ground with it, however, it is also favoured by the landed gentry, especially those in the hunting and shooting fraternity, which - of course - taints it almost beyond redemption for some on the Left. This does make the flat cap quite problematical as the Left these days is populated mostly by the right-on middle classes, most of whom have never seen a traditional working class person, let alone one wearing a flat cap, and so in their eyes the flat cap wearers in their social circle will be almost certainly belong to the aforementioned hunting and shooting set, consequently making the flat cap a no-no for any Left-winger wanting to maintain some shred of ideological purity.

One could – obviously – sport a beret and should one’s ideological alignment to that icon of the Left, Che Guevara, but the fact remains that the beret makes you look – and this applies even to the ‘great’ Che himself – like a complete dick and is therefore best avoided.

This does leave – apart from the WWII leather pilot’s hat which is, of course, a special case - the woollen hat, but this itself has a certain militaristic connotation which – at best – can make it somewhat ethically problematical.

Finally, there is the right –on choice of ethnic headgear, that is, apart from the fact that the more competitively right-on amongst one’s circle of Left-wing acquaintances are bound to have a blisteringly accurate and up-to-date knowledge of the world’s repressive regimes, and are therefore – somewhat gleefully – bound to point out that one’s choice of ethical ethnic headgear marks one down as a fervent supporter of one of the most evil right-wing fascistic regimes on the planet.

So, just perhaps, maybe that hat isn’t such a good idea anyway. After all, what price cold ears when compared to ideological purity?