Majority Favour Grammar Schools

A survey commissioned by the National Grammar Schools Association (NGSA) has discovered that 76% of adults questioned would like to see the return of Grammar schools and selective education to the UK.

An official from Ed ‘Total’ Balls’ Department for Children, Schools and Families (No, we don’t know what that’s supposed to mean either) responded to the results of the survey by saying:

Huh? Bloody typical, bunch of ungrateful sods. Just who the hell do these so-called voters think they are, eh? What makes them think we are going to start paying any attention to what they want after all these years?

We are the government and we decide what will happen. These bloody voters ought to remember their place, shut up, mind their own business and be grateful for all we’ve done for them.

Education in this country is the best in the world. For example, we’ve already decided that next year’s exam results will be even better than the last record-breaking year with every child in the country getting 7 A* A Levels each, including those just entering nursery school for the first time..

A Conservative Education spokesman said:

Normally we would say that everything uttered by the Labour party is wrong. However, here is a case where we must agree with them. It is simply not right for the ordinary voters to hold any opinions which are not supported by any political party.

Therefore, we feel it is only right for us to ignore the views of voters when they don’t agree with our policies, except of course when there is an election coming and we need their vo….

Oh, bugger!

Er… has anyone got a pen I could borrow…? I just need to make a few slight alterations to our education policy.

Asked about whether the result of the poll would have any effect on the Labour party’s election manifesto, Lord Dick Dastardly of Foy responded:

Election? What election? Do you really think we’d let voters with such old-fashioned views as this have an election, and risk spoiling all we’ve achieved over the last decade or so? My… my… my…. How hopelessly naïve you are.