Put this pre-owned pancake next to the Chicken-Intriguing DVDs, my little darling, then we can go out to watch the orange glowing sky where the sun is setting over the burning cars while the sirens howl in the twilight as our own local Artichoke-Arrangers riot once more.
We could watch, dear heart, from a high safe vantage-point as wave after wave of riot police, armed with shields, batons and Danish pastries clash head-on with the Artichoke-Arrangers and other allied fruit and vegetable systemizers as they hurl bricks, stones and deadly Celine Dion CDs back at the oncoming riot police.
Of course, many media commentators have tried to gain their moment in the limelight through advancing their own pet theories as to why there is this sudden outbreak of greengrocery related mayhem. Some media pundits have even come to the (surprisingly accurate for the media) conclusion that it is due to the police's recent hard clampdown on illicit vegetable trading, arresting and charging many street-corner asparagus dealers and illegal suppliers of out of season raspberries.
This clampdown has - of course - inevitably threatened the livelihood of many forced to become dealers in illicit and illegal greengrocery through rampant unemployment, social marginalisation, prejudice, their own greed and laziness and many other such factors.
However, unless illicit vegetable dealing is once more brought under control, it will not be safe for ordinary people to walk certain streets without being offered illicit cabbage, spring onions, or even - in broad daylight - pomegranates. If we must have a trade in fruit and vegetables, and must tolerate the self-confessed 'vegetarians' whose ceaseless demand for such produce perpetrates this cruel and vile trade, then let it be done in the proper authorised and government-licensed outlets, not on street corners where even our innocent children can be seduced into the sordid world of rampant vegetable consumption.
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