Instance Traindisaster became the leading British long-distance cross-country cheese sandwich eater at the unusually young age of 28. Up until then she had been a fair to average middle-distance ham and mustard indoor sandwich eater, but she never achieved the sort of success she thought she deserved in that exacting discipline.
It was only when Halibut Mufftangle, Britain's great hope for gold medal glory in the long-distance cross-country cheese sandwich eating finals at the 2004 Olympic games, strained her lower lip on an almost stale crust during practice, that Traindisaster had her chance to prove herself ready for Beijing 2008.
Although, being British meant that actual medal success eluded Traindisaster. After leading the pack for most of the gruelling Olympic cross-country course, her unfamiliarity with the Olympic-standard cheese sandwich was Traindisaster's ultimate downfall. While trying to maintain her lead, jump a rather deep puddle and fully masticate some Olympic-standard fully-matured cheddar, Traindisaster stumbled and fell, dropping half of her sandwich.
She did, however, recover all her sandwich - albeit a bit muddy and gritty to chew - going on to finish 27th - an all-time British record, in what is often regarded as one of our national sports.
By the time of the next Olympics, on her home turf, in London 2012, Traindisaster hopes to - in an event she has now made her own - to finish at least as high as 20th position, which will make her yet another British success story.
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