History In The Raw

Pekinese Souwester became the UK’s first all-nude presenter of a live-to-air TV history programme mostly by accident, when the flimsy summer dress she was wearing caught on an exposed halberd as she did a piece to camera from the newly restored armoury at the famous Milton Keynes medieval castle.

As it was the hottest day of a unusually warm British summer – as the Met office had forecasted that it was going to be the coldest and wettest British summer on record,sales of barbeque equipment and sun cream had already reached record levels by this time – and as she was filming under hot TV lighting, Souwester had already forgone her underwear under the dress. With one eye on the ratings both her producer and director had both confirmed that this course of action was fine by them, especially the way the TV lighting accentuated Souwester’s body under the flimsy dress as she moved from the relative warmth of the outside of the castle to the cold dank dungeons which now housed the newly-refurbished medieval armoury.

TV critics – more especially the male heterosexual ones – were quick to acclaim the ease with which Souwester coped with the sudden loss of her clothing as she interviewed the curator of the exhibition, especially when - as Souwester’s dress came off - the curator walked straight into a recently sharpened rack of medieval pole-axes, suffering a severe shredding of his inventory.

Following the massive ratings success of Souwester’s subsequent hit TV series: History In The Raw, C4 have been very quick to announce that the next series of Time Team will feature several young nubile archaeology students writhing around naked in the mud in order to be the first to dislodge a piece of Neolithic knapped flint from the clay.