New Website For Undecided Voters Announced

People unsure of which party – if any – they ought to vote for in the forthcoming UK general election are being offered help by a new website, which will offer them a series of questions and answers which should point the voters towards which party’s policies match that voter’s opinions the closest.

The website called Vote For Labo… Voter Choice has been set up by a totally independent body, called The Labour Party Headquarters… .www.Nothing To Do With Us/ Honest.Gov.

A spokesman for the new website, Lord ‘Dick’ Dastardly of Foy said:

This is a totally independent site that will offer every voter who uses it a chance to see that - through a series of unbiased question and answers – they should vote Labou… er… which party most represents their views. I can guarantee that the site is totally independent, free from bias, and does not… say, for example favour the good honest People’s Labour Party over the evil baby-eating Tory party in any way whatsoever, and even though the Liberal Democrats are totally pointless, irrelevant and not worth voting for under any circumstances, I can stand here with my hand on my heart and say that the site is in no way biased against that bunch of pointless tossers in any way whatsoever.

The website itself is set out with a number of questions with multiple choice answers, that should enable a voter using it to come to see which party’s policies are most in line with that voters belief, such as:

1.    Gordon Brown saved the world during the financial crisis that was absolutely nothing to do with Labour government policies, and was entirely the fault of the Americans. Do you:
a.    Agree
b.    Agree

 

2.    The Tories are evil baby-eating toffs who would sell their own grandmothers just to buy more champagne to bathe their whores in. Do you:
a.    Agree
b.    Agree

3.    The Liberal Democrats are a bunch of beardie sandal-wearing weirdo lentilist softies who haven’t a clue about how the real world works and would probably all be polytechnic lecturers if there were still polytechnics. Do you:
a.    Agree
b.    Agree

 

4.    It should be the government’s job to decide everything about everything and I should just hand over every penny of my earnings in taxes, so that they can spend it all for me on what they think I should need. Do you:
a.    Agree
b.    Agree

5.    That David Cameron – he’s just too shiny to be real. Do you:
a.    Agree
b.    Agree

 

6.    The country should not be run by elitist snobs from public schools, unless they are members of the people’s Labour party, of course. Do you:
a.    Agree
b.    Agree

7.    The Liberal Democrats… I mean, come on what is the point, really? Do you:
a.    Agree
b.    Agree

 

8.    Gordon Brown is exactly the sort of superhero this country needs in order to counter the threat of global financial collapse, terrorism, global cooli… global warming… climate chang… a bit of nasty weather, evil baby-eating Tory Toff scum. Do you:
a.    Agree
b.    Agree

9.    Yes, I do think that the government should take more and more of my hard-earned money to piss up the wall on its half-baked attempts to socially-engineer us all into becoming mindless worker drones for the greater glory of the New Laborg Collective. Do you:
a.    Agree
b.    Agree

 

10.    No, I am not too insane to vote in the upcoming election. Do you:
a.    Agree
b.    Agree

Answers:

 

If you chose mainly a./: then you should vote: Labour in the forthcoming General Election.

If you chose mainly b./: then you should vote: Labour in the forthcoming General Election.