Prime Minister Should Be ‘At Least A Bit Competent’, Peers Say

Political power in the UK is ‘left in the hands of idiots and fools’ a committee of Peers, that stayed awake long enough to notice, has said.

The House of Lords Snoring and Drooling Slightly Committee also said that:

Even the appearance of the current Prime Minister is wholly inadequate, especially on the international stage where the official photographs of various intergovernmental summits made him look like a terminally-bewildered tramp some kind official had let in out of the cold.

The report went on to say:

On no account should any Prime Minister, especially this one, be allowed anywhere near anything to do with running the country, no matter how big a mandate they claim to have (or not – as in the case of the present incumbent).

As soon as a new PM arrives in Downing Street, senior civil servants should, gently but firmly, sit him down in a nice warm corner of the PM’s office with a brand new tub of Play Doh and leave him to it.

The report continues:

The Cabinet Office would make an ideal… er… ‘dustbin’ for all those MPs in the governing party deluded enough to think that they could run a department of state. We suggest perhaps if civil servants put in there some things like, for example: a Wendy House, a handful of bright shiny things, a selection of dressing –up costumes (police and army ones are always popular with cabinet members) and so on that could keep them entertained until they are thrown out on their ears at the next election.

When asked to comment on the report, a Labour spokeswoman said:

Obviously the conclusions of this report are a bit awkward for us. After all, we already have a cabinet full of incompetent tossers, many of whom have deluded themselves into believing that when Gordon Brown eventually gets locked in a stationery cupboard, then they can take over.

Luckily though, Harriet Harman is introducing legislation in her ‘equalities bill’ to ban discrimination against the incompetent getting any job they apply for, right up to and including Prime Minister. So, obviously when that bill comes into law there would be nothing to stop even Harriet Harman becoming Prime Minister herself. No… come on… I’m serious… honest.

A spokesman for the Conservative party commented:

This isn’t fair. With reports like this it seems more and more likely we’ll never get our turn. We’ve finally got a leader now that doesn’t frighten children, or who makes everyone giggle uncontrollably, and now they say we have to find a competent one as well? Don’t these people realise these are politicians we are talking about. If any of them had any competence at all then surely they’d be doing a proper job.

When someone could be arsed to ask the Liberal Democrats, their spokesman said:

Competent, eh? Well, we are the Liberal Democrats – need I say more… really?