Strategic Gap Exists At The Heart Of Gordon Brown's Government

In a report issued over the weekend, an independent body said they had discovered a ‘strategic gap’ at the centre of Gordon Brown’s government, but despite this the politicians were still somehow managing to screw things up.

As one civil servant from the cabinet office said:

We do try our best to stop the politicians buggering things up, but occasionally one or two of them will – somehow – manage to escape from the janitor’s cupboards where we usually keep them locked up, and sometimes they can cause significant amount of damage, or – ‘running the country’ – as they like to call it, before we can get the net over them and drag them back.

We would like to stress though, at no time is the general public ever at risk from being seriously bitten by a politician, even if they do manage to evade their keepers.

However, just as a precaution we would strongly suggest that during the forthcoming election campaign that no-one allows a politician to shake their hand – or, even worse - kiss their baby. Our scientists are working on an anti-politician vaccine, but they fear it will not be ready in time for the election.

A senior political correspondent for the BBC said:

It has been a long-standing tradition in the British civil service for them to always do their utmost to protect our society from the various lunacies of the politicians, from whatever party, and though it is reassuring to see that the current crop of civil servants still see this as their central purpose, it is very worrying to see the number of times politicians have managed to escape and cause such chaos over the last twelve years.

The problem is that politicians these days don’t seem to understand that most of what happens in this country – and even abroad – is just none of their business. They just can’t seem to stop interfering, and - we must admit that - if it wasn’t for these civil servants selflessly devoting their working lives to preventing politicians bollixing it up even more, then things for the rest of us would be far, far worse.