Weasel Defusing

STOP!

Now - very carefully - and as calmly as possible, take seventeen and a half steps back.

Slowly!

Don't do anything that is going to upset the weasel. Don't make any sudden movements, noises or display any Introduction To Calculus text books, you may have about your person, to the weasel. You must - especially - not show your working.

If I am any judge, and you don't get to be my age in this business, if you are not, then that weasel is about to blow. The tuppenny rice/treacle mixture is - I would say - at almost critical mass. It could go off at any moment.

Good.

Now that you are at a - relatively - safe distance, move slowly widdershins around the weasel cage. This is a very critical moment. If the weasel pops now, it could start a chain reaction with all the other weasels in the cage.

What we need to do is carefully tempt it away from the rest of the weasel horde. Luckily, I have here a DVD of Eurovision highlights (1970-1986) which it will certainly find it very difficult to resist, especially as it contains a commentary from Tony Benn on the socio-political implications of a Europe-wide song contest from a hard-left position. That should be enough to cause ANY weasel, fully loaded with the tuppenny rice/treacle mixture to self-ignite, once we have it far enough away from the rest of the weasel horde to prevent a chain reaction, that is.

CAREFULLY!

Good, now that the weasel is isolated, we can place him securely in this pop-proof cage whilst we continue with our repeated entering and exiting of the Eagle until the time of detonation.

Thank you for your time.