Annual World Do Something Quite Rude With A Friend Or Close Colleague Day

And so the great herds of shopping trolleys swept majestically down the slopes of our hillsides into the fertile valleys below, there to sweep across the great open plains of our out-of-town- shopping centre car parks, go twice around the Wrekin and then apply for jobs in the very call-centres of our souls.

But despair no longer, for not once should such vicissitudes deter us from our overwhelming desire to pour lukewarm custard over the naked knees of our nearest work colleague, for today is – as you should all know – World Do Something Quite Rude With A Friend Or Close Colleague Day. For it was the massive worldwide success of Worldwide Admire Your Own Genitals Day that led to the governments of the world - at their last International all-expenses paid shindig summit – to get together to create another such international holiday: A special worldwide holiday where the many and diverse peoples of the world could take a few moments from their hectic schedules of trying to discover even more ingenious ways to kill or maim each other, and – instead - to go about being rather rude with each other in as many interesting – and quite naughty – ways as possible. For not only is it generally nicer for all involved to be rude with each other, rather than attempting to slaughter each other, it tends to leave slightly fewer unpleasant stains on the tarmac for someone else to clean up.

Of course, due to the nature of the festival few, if any, strict Uttabollux countries will be taking part in these events, preferring instead their traditional method of celebrating their – and, presumably, their god’s-given – sexuality by gleefully stoning to death anyone even slightly suspected of deriving any pleasure at all from even contemplating, let alone doing, it.