Government Reveals Millions Spent On Merchandise

 

The UK government has come under fire for spending millions of pounds on merchandise and other promotional items that are apparently used for promotion purposes and ‘to reward staff’. As the BBC report says:

Among the items set to be ordered from 58 UK-only suppliers include promotional pens, key rings, travel wallets, tea towels, polo shirts, lip balms and "beanie" hats.

As the BBC’s Political Correspondent said, speaking from his kennel just outside 10 Downing Street:

Originally, the government was spending a great deal of money on various items of tat in order to promote itself and the endless stream of ‘initiatives’ that it produces instead of actually attempting to do anything worthwhile or meaningful. However, they did eventually realise no-one in their right mind would want to have anything festooned with government logos, or with think-tank friendly slogans and entreaties all over it. Then, one day, someone in the Home Office noticed that one of its shiny new Government Logo key rings had mollified Jack Straw into more than his usual inertia. It was then that they realised what they could do with all that stuff piled up in cardboard boxes down in the cellar of No. 11 Downing Street.

A government spokesman said, in a press conference:

Look we’ve got to do something to stop this government buggering things up even more than they have done. It’s quite amazing really if you give a government minister some shiny novelty item they can sometimes sit there and play with it for hours, leaving us free to get on with things. Give them a mug with a picture of themselves on and they’ll be out of the office for hours showing it to everyone they know.

We got Gordon Brown a yo-yo, but he just tried to ‘eliminate going up and going down’ from it, so instead we just gave him a punch-bag, with David Cameron’s face painted on, so he can throw old Nokias at it. Oh, and a baseball cap with PM written on it for him to wear while he’s phoning up various world leaders trying to get them to talk to him.

However, someone did give Harriet Harman a Barbie doll. That’s a mistake he won’t be making again. I should think he’ll be reminded of it every time he tries to sit down. She did ask for an Action Man, but changed her mind when someone told her it already had its balls cut off.

Alistair Darling did get his hands on the Downing Street official Monopoly set, though. He just took all the money out of it, and threw the rest of the game away; apparently, he is planning to pay off the government debt with the Monopoly money.

However, in a later interview, when asked who was actually running the country whilst the members of the government were playing with all these toys, The Dark Lord Of Foy replied:

You don’t really need me to answer that, do you?