PR Spin ‘Better Than Sex’ Claims PR Industry

There was widespread shock in the UK this morning, when a newspaper printed a ‘survey’ in which most participants seemed to express a strong preference for fitting in with the marketing strategy of the company that sponsored the ‘research’.

A gleeful spokeswoman for the PR Company employed by the sponsoring brand later said:

We hope that thousands of women across the country were slightly interested to discover that a headline which mentioned that something or other ‘was better than sex’ was just a thinly-disguised column filler based on our very own PR spin. It seemed that some of them even gave some credibility to our idea that some women would be more excited by sliding into a pair of old jeans, rather than having a well-oiled George Clooney sliding into them in several ways they have only ever read about while eating excessive quantities of chocolate in a heavily-scented bath.

We know that most of them will instantly forget this ‘survey’ when they turn the page, but we hope that we have worded it well enough for a fair few of them to be left with a nagging doubt about how they shape up, and maybe enough of them will be then tempted to try this cereal for the cereal makers to renew our contract. Our only worry is that one day we may run out of things that we can say ‘are better than sex’ without looking too stupid, although when you look at the rest of the stuff that fills the newspapers these days, that time is obviously still quite far off.

A reader of the newspaper said:

Of course, I know these so-called ‘surveys’, and other pieces of PR-generated fluff, are all a load of old toss. It is just that when the headline yells that something ‘is better than sex’ then you know everyone is going to read it, even though we all know it is not true. I suppose most women would like a smaller arse, but I really doubt that many of them would step over a naked Brad Pitt in a hurry to try an old pair of jeans on.

Quite frankly, this so-called survey is too ridiculous for me to even want to pass it around to the rest of the girls in the office at tea-break for a giggle Although, it might be just enough to get us to start discussing exactly what we’d like to do with Brad Pitt and George Clooney just to see which one of us can get the new office boy to suddenly rush off to the gents before he comes in his pants.

Although, to be honest, I bet even a quick knee-trembler against the wall in the alley by the supermarket skip with the Archbishop of Canterbury would be better than eating a bowl of soggy breakfast cereal that doesn’t taste anywhere near as good as the cardboard box it came in. So I suppose they’ve got to find some way of trying to flog the stuff.