Blair To Give Inquiry Evidence In Public

The chairman of the Pillock Inquiry, Sir Nigel ‘Nigel’ Pillock has insisted that the former PM Tony Blair, will be called to give evidence to his Inquiry, and that - furthermore - that evidence will be given in public, and not in secret as some had feared.

The Pillock inquiry was set up by the UK government in response to opposition and public pressure for an inquiry into just how Tony Blair managed to lead the Labour Party to three consecutive election victories, despite – or, as some still insist, because of – him being a oleaginous con-artist more suited to selling miracle-cure snake-oil from the back of a wagon than running a country, even one as terminally half-arsed as the UK.

Of course, most commentators put the Labour party’s easy victories down to the fact that they faced no real, or credible, opposition, citing both Michael Howard and Ian Duncan-Smith as obvious examples. Others point out that a population already cowed by the parade of smarmy gits from the world of entertainment that are constantly paraded across their incessant TV chat shows would be no match for the Blair charm offensive and lethally-mesmerising grin.

However, it was Blair’s claim that there were ‘forces of conservatism’ deep within British society that could, at 45 minutes notice, completely destroy such great British institutions as the NHS, the BBC and lay waste to the entire British welfare state,’ that gave Blair the necessary authority to stage his invasion of Downing Street.

In fact, as it turned out victory did come surprisingly easy to the massed Labour ranks, storming into Downing Street, after overwhelming the opposition with their fearsome ‘Education! Education! Education!’ battle cry.

However, not soon after this successful invasion of what had once seemed an impregnable Tory fortress with their much feared ‘Blue-Rinse Guard’, things began to go horribly wrong.

As one former government minister said:

Our plans for after the invasion of Downing Street were really quite simple. It seemed obvious to us that Britain’s malaise could be put down to the Evil Tories starving the public sector of money. So, to us the solution seemed obvious. Just throw more and more money at it.

However, this surge of public money seemed to do little to solve any of the problems Blair and the Labour party had claimed it would. In fact, it just seemed to make things worse.

As for the ‘forces of conservatism’ they were never found, in fact the invasion led to a massive insurgency on the part of all those left-leaning ideologues that the Labour invasion then unleashed onto an unsuspecting populace: The Extreme Equality Agendaists, the Punitive Taxation Zealots, the roaming bands of social engineering terrorists, Diversity Awareness Squads and more were all let loose onto British society, leading to chaos, disorder and victimisation of the law-abiding middle-classes on a scale that had never been seen before.

Worse was to follow when Labour’s – supposedly - crack team of economic wonders, lead by (then) Lieutenant ‘Calamity’ Brown were supposed to go in and eliminate boom and bust, only to have the whole economy blow up in their faces, leading to severe damage to the country’s economic infrastructure, from which it is still to recover.

Nowadays, most people regard the Labour party’s invasion of the UK Government as a massive mistake, hence this Inquiry. They, therefore, fear that if the lessons from these all-too recent events are not learnt in time, then a further Labour election victory – no matter how remote that seems at the moment – could so easily happen again.