Russian Plan To Destroy Asteroid Condemned

The head of the Russian space agency has announced plans to destroy an asteroid seemingly on a collision course with the Earth, claiming such a collision could claim many thousands of lives.

However, a spokeswoman for HETA (Humans for the Ethical Treatment of Asteroids), Gully Usefulidiot, strongly condemned the move, claiming it would be a severe breach of the asteroid’s rights, especially those concerning its freedom of movement throughout the solar system, saying:

Again, these Wester… er… Eastern hegemonic scientific imperialists show a blatant disregard for the rest of nature, feeling they have the right to destroy a poor defenceless little asteroid for purely selfish reasons. Who are we – mere humans – to decide the fate of these innocent and helpless asteroids?

After all, there is a possibility that some asteroids could even contain some form of life. What right have we mere humans to extinguish what could be the next stage of evolution on Earth?

Asked about the damage that an asteroid impact could inflict on the earth’s eco-system, Gully Usefulidiot replied:

Oh, there’s no need to worry about that, all the Earth’s animals – apart from us evil humans, obviously, oh, and the dinosaurs, of course - have a special instinct about asteroid impacts and will just hide behind a bush or something until it is all over.

Of course, if such an impact kills - or even better, wipes out – humanity then that would be wonderful news for the planet, especially as it would put an end to man-made global warming and everything else mankind has done to this planet.

Asked if there was any hope at all for humanity, Gully Usefulidiot ended with this final remark:

Actually not all scientists are evil, one of the nicer ones said that we in HETA should all go to the impact site ready to greet the asteroid when it lands, which we decided to do. The nice scientist said something about it ‘being nature’s way’.