A marketing campaign by the Christian church to re-label the traditional winter solstice celebrations has been roundly condemned by traditionalists who wish to keep the Winter Solstice special.
As one early solstice reveller said, whilst out shopping for some erotic underwear for his wife:
Those Christians come over here and trying to highjack our traditions, it’s just not right. I think it’s outrageous the way they stole the nativity from Mithras and now claim it as their own. Now, it seems, they want to stop us spending money, eating and drinking to excess and getting a bit rude with each other.
After all, that is what this midwinter period should be all about, a bit of excess and indulgence in the middle of the winter to help us get through the hard times. We don’t want them Christians ruining it all with their bloody dour religion and those tedious bloody carols when we should be having plenty of Slade and Wizzard, mince pies, sherry and a few games of hide the salami with the girls from the office. Now, that’s the real meaning of the midwinter festival!
However, a leading bishop said:
Look, we spent ages ruthlessly persecuting and setting fire to people in order to make everyone decide in was in their best interest to become a Christian. We are not going to give up now, even though people do seem to have seen through all the bollocks we’ve been talking ever since we first set up shop. Christmas is ours, so you can forget about all this ‘real meaning of the solstice’ crap and shove your Yule log up your arse. Now, piss off out of my way, I’ve got some carols to sing.
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