Government Minister In Expenses Row

A government minister, Nigel Clapper, hit out furiously in an interview when questioned about a £20 000 claim he’d recently made for expenses. His comments came in a BBC Today Programme interview, where he said:

Look, you impertinent little oik, I regard a mere £20 000 as a bargain for a job well done, and I don’t see that it is any of your business what I, or any other MP do with your money. You should just be grateful that we are willing to accept it in the first place.

However, as the expense claim was submitted to reimburse the MP for paying a brace of unnamed young ladies £20 000 for ‘a thorough oiling and vigorous polishing of the minister’s bell-end’, it seems that there will be questions asked about the wisdom of Mr Clapper trying to claim for such a service on expenses, with – no doubt – several MPs interested to see if they could get away with it too.

Asked whether he would consider resigning, the minister responded:

You must be joking. How else will a bloke as weird looking as me be able to get a couple of hot young lovelies to give the old feller such an expert tug off as that, and get the money back on expenses too? Be honest, would you – even for a moment – voluntary consider giving that up?