There are times when it seems that the sport of Mixed-Doubles Elbow Touching may fall foul of several of the very newest sexual harassment, equality and discrimination laws that the UK government and/or the EU has come up with recently. As we know it will soon be against the law in England and Wales for any man to be within three feet (One Metre) of any woman without a written consent form and a valid up-to-date Sexual Probity Certificate from the new UK Personal Conduct Directorate set up by the Ministry of Interpersonal Relations, or to be within 3 miles (meh kilometres) of any child without having a criminal record check, an armed escort, a head-mounted remotely-controlled CCTV camera and a tamperproof padlock on his trousers.
Consequently, for sports where contact is made between people, especially those from the officially-designated different sexes, including such sports as: Mixed-Doubles Elbow Touching, some of the more advanced cases of rugby, golf, ballroom dancing and naked baby-oil Twister, this means that without the government-funded UK Personal Conduct Directorate to oversee each incident, or potential incident of spontaneous touching, then these sports, games and pastimes will no longer be tolerated by the authorities, especially where some of the touching may be of an un-consensual nature, or not adequately conforming to the government’s diversity requirements for that sport, game or pastime.
There is talk that the Labour government, after it has overcome the impending minor inconvenience of an election*, will
piss away invest a great deal of research money in a new individual force-field for every adult and child in the UK that will make non-consensual contact between any individuals impossible without official governmental authorisation from the new UK Personal Conduct Directorate.
*Quite probably by including the criminal offence of Not Voting Labour in the next iteration of its Anti-Terrorism laws.