Gordon Brown - Satellites To Monitor UK For Signs Of Political Climate Change Plan

At a meeting of the Commonwealth Nations, just before the weekend, the UK Prime Minister, Gormless Brown, announced plans to use satellites to monitor the UK for what he regards as increasing evidence that the British Isles are heading for a severe change in its political climate.
A government spokeswoman later translated the PM’s remarks into Engli clarified the PM’s statement:

Our pollsters have – over the last few years of the Our Glorious People’s Government – detected significant increases in the political temperature, especially in areas of high Evil Tory concentration. We are therefore – quite rightly – concerned that these outbreaks of Evil Toryism, and other forms of political dissent, could spread to the rest of the country and bring about what could be irreversible political change. This could eve lead to catastrophic – for us – governmental climate change too.

The satellites – to be launched as soon as the government find something they can sell of quickly to raise the money to fuel the rockets that will take the satellites into orbit – are designed to pick up the telltale heat-signals of political argument and disagreement. Scientists at the British Political Science Society claim that the satellites can easily detect the signs of people’s blood coming to the boil as they read the latest brain-dead inanities and complete perversions of reality masquerading as policies issued by Harriet Harperson or Ed ‘Total’ Balls in their morning newspaper.
The Spokeswoman added:

There has long been a great deal of concern in government circles about the increasing amounts of dangerous political thought in the atmosphere of the UK with some people seemingly unwilling or unable to fully appreciate the wonderful transformations made to the UK during the last glorious 12 years, and how everything has improved and – indeed – how things have only - and can only - get better.

Some experts have claimed that such is the amount of despair, outrage and incredulity caused by this current government that it could easily lead to the Labour Party being out of government for a generation or more, possibly even longer. Some experts have even gone so far as to predict that the political climate could change irrevocably, leading to the total extinction of the Labour Party as we know it. The spokeswoman said:

Obviously, this simply cannot be allowed to happen. Therefore, we in the government have pledged ourselves to introduce measures that will completely eradicate all opposing political thought wherever it is found. These satellites will allow us to pinpoint with extreme- well, more or less… probably – accuracy where the outbreaks of oppositional political thought are occurring and then we will send out our crack teams of Political Climate Adjusters to show these… these Politically-Correct Climate Deniers the error of their ways. We will then re-educate them, so that all possibility of political climate change is eradicated from this country for once and for all.

Many in the government, including Gordon Brown, believe the time is rapidly running out for them and that they must – therefore – act quickly to reverse this political climate change before it is too late for this government, and – indeed -the Labour Party to recover from it. Many, many others though believe, and – indeed - hope that it is already too late for them and that the catastrophic collapse of - what remains of - the UK’s Left is inevitable.