Another Recycling Success!

In yet another Government announcement, the Minister for Making Politics Seem Relevant, Penny Backhander, announced that the government has had another great success in its recycling programme, confirming that the government's strategy for the recycling of old TV programmes will continue.

'It has been an enormous success,' she said, 'not only are the mainstream channels showing even more repeats than ever, thanks to digital and satellite TV, they have even more channels to put out even more repeats than they could ever manage before.'

A spokesman for the TV industry, Tawdry Tripemonger, said:

Even with all the repeats we are throwing at the TV audiences across all the channels that are now available, there are still large gaps between the adverts that need to be filled.

Ordinary people have done their best to help out with the massive shortage of new TV programmes by joining in the so-called ‘Reality’ shows and the completely misnamed ‘talent’ shows, despite their obvious lack of any of the - admittedly, limited - talent necessary to make even the less than mediocre TV programmes we now pour out all over the schedules.

However, one result of the current fashion for ordinary folk to make utter arses of themselves in ‘Reality’ programmes now means that the UK has become more than self-sufficient in vacuous talent-less 'celebrities'. Consequently, the government are looking at setting up agencies in some foreign countries in order to begin exporting some of these vacuous and untalented ‘celebrities’ to foreign markets.

Hetty Carpetmuncher the Government's Official Token Dyke, and Spokesbeing for Meaningless Initiatives, claimed:

At the last World Cup in Germany during 2006 we had great success in a pilot initiative, demonstrating the total inanity and pointlessness of our World Cup team's wives and girlfriends (the so-called Sla… Hag… WAGS) to the world celebrity market, and - judging by the column inches wasted on their moronic activities around the world - we are able to say that it seemed to be a great success. We hope to repeat, and possibly – expand upon, this initiative during the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. With any luck we should be able to flog off a good many of these Wags to foreign football leagues, not only ridding our celebrity magazines of their tedious obsession with the pointless and puerile existence of these WAGS, but we should also earn some much needed foreign exchange to help pay off the massive government debt run up by Gordo… that was all the fault of the Americans.