Brown Promises To Build On Poll Boost

Political pundits are struggling to understand what seems like a sudden upswing in support for the UK’s Labour party government, headed by Gordon Brown, as a recent poll shows a narrowing of the gap between Labour and the Conservatives.



However, some commentators have put the recent shock increase in support for the PM down to his typical playground bully-boy tactic of picking on those that are even more unpopular than him, such as the recent attacks on bankers, and picking on them relentlessly to make him look relatively more appealing to an electorate that has the attention span of a comatose gnat and far more interest in the contents of its own nasal passages that it has in politics.

Consequently, along with this increase in popularity brought about by finding more and more ways to tax bankers, the government has also noticed, from the otherwise inexplicable continued popularity of so-called ‘Reality’ and the nominatively paradoxical ‘Talent’ TV shows, that the public seems to have quite a taste a taste for such seemingly pointless and vindictive cruelty.

Therefore, the government has set out plans to discontinue the completely unwatched BBC Parliament TV channel, and replace it with live gladiatorial bouts to the death between random groupings of convicted paedophiles, terrorist suspects, bankers and estate agents, with the TV audience invited to phone in their ‘thumbs up’ or ‘thumbs down’ votes for each contestant, live to the arena.

The government is confident that the show – putatively hosted by Ant and Dec, subject to contractual arrangements – will be a huge ratings success and, moreover, that the income from the phone polling will be far more than enough to pay off the UK’s massive government debt in record time.