The New Ten-Minute Rule Bill

The government announced yesterday that despite Britain being the world-leader in CCTV coverage on our streets, and their proposals to install CCTV cameras in pubs, clubs and every other public space and building that does not have camera coverage, there is still one area where they believe CCTV coverage is woefully inadequate.

A spokesdrone for the New Laborg Collective said:

Once this new act is passed, we plan the rollout of CCTV cameras for the entire domestic terrain living space of the whole populace. This will enable us to have complete coverage of what every person in the UK does for 24 hours a day, every day of the year.

Asked by The Rope’s Reporter, if this was not a gross invasion of privacy, the Spokesdrone responded:

From people’s use of social media on the internet, their constant texting and photographing of each other on their phones and their willingness to share even their formerly most intimate feelings and desires on Reality TV it is clear that the old-fashioned idea of privacy, of having a private life, no longer exists. Apart, that is, for essential celebrities, VIPs and politicians who – by the very nature of their wealth and importance - need to keep the prying eyes of the hoi-polloi out of their business.

Our reporter then asked, why this new legislation had been given the name it had. The Spokesdrone replied:

We call it the Ten-Minute Rule Bill because we feel it is essential for the prevention of terrorism, to fight organised crime and to protect the children that we watch every moment of every person’s life, so that we can get a good idea of what they plan to do in the next ten minutes. Then, if it is something illegal they are planning – and we intend to make as many things illegal as possible for as long as we are in power – then the police can begin filling out all the necessary forms they need to complete in order to make an arrest. We believe it is far better to have people arrested and on the various criminal and DNA databases as fast as possible, ideally before they do anything we have made illegal, or even if they are planning to do something we haven’t - as yet - had time to make illegal.

However, the government is split between two rival factions. The one faction wants to know what we are planning to do in within the next ten minutes so that they can tax it, and the other faction in the government wants to know what we are planning to do in within the next ten minutes so that they can ban it. Rumours are circulating, though, that the PM himself favours some kind of scheme where anything we plan to do within the next ten minutes is both taxed and banned. Most in the cabinet are not sure how – or, even, if at all – this would work in practice. However, no-one in the cabinet has yet had the nerve to bring this to the PM’s attention yet, as none of them really fancy facing a barrage of ricocheting Nokias.