Legal Battle Over Government ‘Control Orders’

The several government departments whose freedom to operate is restricted by the so-called ‘Control Orders’, today lost their case in the House of Lords to have those orders lifted.

The Control Orders force each government department to be placed under the control of politicians from the majority party in the Houses of Parliament.

However, the government departments argued that this was unfair to them, because – in most cases – the politicians put in control of these departments were completely ignorant of what the department was for, and often with no experience whatsoever of what that department actually does.

A spokeswoman for one government department said, ‘We see it as one of our primary duties to the people of this country to keep them safe from the destructive interfering antics of these politicians. This judgement makes it almost impossible for us to do that.’

A political journalist added, ‘These self-styled ‘politicians’ all seem to want to change the way this country is run, and believe they can do this most successfully by infiltrating the government and becoming ministers in the various government departments, and then completely buggering up the country from there.’

Many of the current crop of active politicians inside the government are followers of one or other factions of the ‘Labour’ terrorist organisation, a loose – often very loose – confederation of terrorists cells, some of whom once subscribed to the teachings of OhSome Bung Blair. Blair dedicated his followers to ‘destroying the forces of competence in government’, a position taken to the extremes under the new leadership of the current Labour terror cell operating within the UK government.

The current leader of the cell, a shadowy figure, with what some say is a suspicious foreign accent, is feared throughout the whole of the government for the level of his inept incompetence. ‘He could have – and probably already has – destroyed the whole government single-handedly,’ said one Downing Street civil-servant. ‘We’ve tried to stop him with a Control Order, but he is master of the ancient oriental martial art of Nokia-Chucking, so none of us can get near enough to serve it on him.’

‘The trouble is,’ said a civil servant from the Home Office, ‘there are just so many of them in this terrorist cell, as soon as we stop one of them from buggering up the department, their leader just sends another one of them in, each one more destructive than the last.’

‘Some of them are suicide bombers,’ said a seasoned political reporter. ‘they are so determined to fuck the whole country up that they are quite prepared to go down with it, knowing full well they’ll never get back into government ever again.’