Kitten Theory

Still, it was not that difficult to untangle the items as we'd first thought. After all, the major breakthrough in understanding the nature of string theory and quantum entanglement did come about once the physicists realised that Schrödinger’s cat was not a metaphor and that at a fundamental level the laws of the universe are dependent upon the movements and actions sub-atomic kittens.

This Kitten Theory as it is now known explains why so many of the fundamental particles are bouncing around so much and why the Higgs Boson was eventually discovered underneath the fridge at CERN, and why all the strings from string theory became entangled at the quantum kitten level.

Consequently, CERN scientists are now in the process of building a new Small Kitten Collider on the Swiss German border, where they hope to release several quantum kittens into a torus to see what happens when those kittens start to react (or to use the technical term – play) with those fundamental particles found in the ring.

However, as is well known in physics it is very difficult, if not impossible, especially at the sub-atomic level to herd cats, so the physicists are experimenting with high-power electro cat-nip to encourage the kittens to go the right way around the ring. Although, some theoretical kitten physicists have expressed doubts that a high enough level of cat-nip is theoretically, let alone practically possible without the world suddenly coming to an end under a plague of cats simultaneously arriving from several dimensions at once in search of the cat nip.

Most, respectable cat physicists however, deny such apocalyptic scenarios and say that these experiments are essential not only to understanding the fundamental laws of nature, but – and possibly more importantly – the very nature of cats themselves.