Film News

Splendiferious Mammaries, the famous Hollywood actress, has recently completed work on her latest film, her first since the dismal flop The Return of the Thing That You Thought Had Died at the End of The Previous Episode of This Seemingly Endless Series of Films VII. She is therefore once again gracing the chat show circuit in order to drum up enough publicity for her new film.

However, the relatively poor showing of Mammaries previous film has damaged the superstar reputation she built up with her first staring role Gratuitous Jokey Sexual Reference IV, where she played a politically-involved librarian fighting for the right for all women everywhere to use men’s urinals. This film showed our feisty © heroine leading the fight against the blatant misogynistic male hegemony that has faced women throughout history to use ordinary toilets with a blatantly sexist male-designed seating arrangement, a situation that forces women to suffer the horror and indignity of having to put the seat back down whenever they wish to use it. For this role, of course, she won an Oscar.

However, to avoid becoming typecast, Mammaries felt that she ought to make a break from these stereotypical – but feisty © – roles and adopt in her own words ‘a much more sexy – but still feisty © persona for a movie’. She decided she wanted ‘to create a character who can empower women to feel much more positive about their own sexuality and to show sexist men that, although I’m a – very slightly - older woman, I can still be seen as an active sexual being prepared to reveal myself full-frontally, but only as and when the script really demands it.’ This – of course – led to her new film Some Very Slightly Older Women Go Shopping For Expensive Handbags… And A Husband, where she plays Betty Kneetrembler, a daffy - but feisty © - top-ranking corporate lawyer, who feels that now is the time for her to become America’s first sexy female president. However, to do that she realises that she must first get an expensive handbag and, also, a husband with - as the press release puts it - ‘hilarious consequences’.