I Blame The Parents

Parents are to blame for the problems in British schools, teachers claim

Some parents have hit back angrily against teachers who claim that parents are to blame for disruptive problem behaviour by children in British schools. One parent told this reporter ‘We send our children – we have three… or four…, I think – to school each morning, but only a few hours later, in the middle of the afternoon they send them back again. Sometimes we happen to have been banned from the pub again and are back home when the kids arrive back from school, expecting us to acknowledge their existence. Luckily, most days we have some spare packets of crisps we can give them before we send them out on the street again. Sometimes they treat this place as if it is their home.’

‘Some parents have a really hard time,’ said a spokeswoman for the charity that helps out these lower class parents, GMCG (Gullible Middle-Class Guilt). She explained: ‘Sometimes these parents have had to look after these children for nearly four or five years, subsisting on only the maximum benefits they can claim, which is barely enough to pay for a 42” plasma TV in every room of the house. It is no wonder some of them are so worn out they can hardly make it back from the pub or betting shop to be at home at school closing time. Some of these parents have busy lives watching porn on the internet or the shopping channels on TV, they can’t be expected to be pandering to the whims of these children, who by the age of 16 should be beginning to think about being able to dress themselves and to go to the toilet unassisted.’

‘They don’t teach ‘em nuffin’ at school, anyway,’ said one mother slumped outside the school gates. ‘My littlest, Sony Bravia, came home from her nursery, and not one of the so-called teachers had bothered to open her vodka bottle for her during break time. Disgustin’ I call it.’ She added ‘And they wouldn’t let her smoke in lessons, either. It weren’t like that when I was at school, I tell ya…. Well, I think I went to school…. Once, for a day, when I was about 7.’

‘I am very concerned about this,’ said the minister for schools. ‘As soon as I’ve worked out my expenses for this week I’ll set up a committee to see if we can’t tax it, or ban it… or pretend to do something about whatever it was that you said.’