The Badgers of Indifference are gathering at the gathering points and we stand ready with our daffodils poised and our board games fully laid out. We have all the string necessary and do not turn away from the sight of a battle-ready ice-cream van as it trundles forward to take up its position alongside the rest of the heavy artillery.
The mobile snack van - cold or hot - has revolutionised this form of warfare, making an advance over open ground by the enemy almost impossible, unless they wish to receive heavy causalities in a fusillade of greasy chips, dubious hot dogs or - even deadlier - kebabs.
Ice cream of course is left for the very last, when our very positions are threatened. A volley of whipped cornets, raspberry ripples, or even the deadly 99, is something that even well-seasoned troops will think twice about, let alone facing potential decimation brought about by attempting to advance through a vicious hail of ice-lollies.
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