New Anti-Nuclear Fears

Following the increasingly desperate attempts by sections of the world’s media to whip up hysteria about the post earthquake and tsunami problems at a Japanese nuclear power station, anti-nuclear campaigners have started issuing warnings about what they say is ‘a much graver danger’ that they believe could threaten the whole world.

As one anti-nuclear campaigner, Hetty Dummkopf, said:

While everyone has – quite rightly – gone hysterical about the nuclear plant in Japan and how it is going to kill us all, it seems the nuclear industry has been keeping quiet about a far greater danger to all of us on the planet.

Some people may not know it, but I’ve been told that the Sun – yes, the one in our sky – is, in fact a great big nuclear power plant, producing massive amounts of radiation every day… and even some at night too, apparently.

Furthermore, there is growing proof that this radiation has caused – not in the UK obviously – a lot of people some severe sunburn. It can also cause cancer, sometimes fatal, cancer, which of course is very scary indeed. It is also possible that it has caused some mutations in people, maybe even in their skin colour.

Obviously, this nuclear plant – they have given the cute harmless name of the Sun, to make it seem somehow natural and good – is extremely dangerous. There is even a chance that it could explode. Some scientists – obviously in the pay of the Big Sun power companies – say it won’t happen for many thousands of years yet, but I’m sure none of us really trusts anything scientists say, not anymore anyway.

Asked by our reporter what alternatives to the sun there were, Ms Dummkopf answered:

They could – at least – invest in some alternative sources of energy, instead of relying on this obviously very dangerous, old-fashioned and out of date technology. They could replace it with something eco-friendly… perhaps a wind-powered sun, or maybe one powered by solar energy… that’s green and environmentally-friendly too.

However, when our reporter pointed out that solar and sun are the same thing, Ms Dummkopf responded angrily:

Hah… do you think I’m some kind of gullible idiot? You’re only trying to confuse the issue with your male-dominated scientific industrial military hegemony jargon. I bet you are in the pay of the Big Sun companies who want to continue with this deadly industry until it kills us all! Typical!