Extra Fried-Bread

Now the Marsupials of Doom are gathering in all the adjacent car parking facilities of your nearest local shopping centre. So our plans of escape have turned into small amphibious landing craft without adequate sanitary provision. Therefore, we are now like bewildered table-tennis players who stand at the counter in so many late-night kebab shops while penguins haunt the dreams of Scandinavian low-cost short-haul airline pilots.

So far, then, just a typical mundane early February Monday.

But you would be wrong to think that, even though you do tend to favour the wearing of knitwear usually associated with the more-traditional folk singer. Such perspicacity may make you almost irresistible to women, ladyboys and the more-easily beguiled of the smaller rodents, but it does not mean your frozen vegetables are welcome in everyone's freezer.

Hush, my little garlic-press, now it is growing late and we may never have another day as uneventful as this. So, it is time for all brave men - and us cowards too - to go down to the café and order the All-Day Full English Breakfast with Extra Fried-Bread.