Warning Wristband for Women Developed

Following news that someone has invented a wristband that advises men about their partner’s PMT by changing colour, researchers have also announced a similar wristband to be worn by men to enable women to judge their mood too. The wristband for men will tell their partners how well his football team did in its latest match, going from bright red – warning of miserable bastard – when they lose, to green – possible outside chance of a shag, if he is not too pissed when he gets home - when they win.

As the inventor who developed the product, said:

As every woman knows men are totally irrational creatures, whose moods and biological rhythms are all dependent on how well eleven men who he has never met are at kicking a ball around a large green field, often while wearing hideously-coloured shirts that one woman would want to be seen dead in.

The wristband works by connecting itself to the football results and downloading the results appropriate for his team. For example, someone in Leeds would get the Leeds United football results, some one in Wolverhampton would get the Wolves scores (although it is hard to see why) and someone living in Sussex would – obviously – get the Manchester United scores downloaded to his wristband.

The wristband would then change colour according to his team’s results, red if they lose, yellow if they draw and green if they win. With the green indicating that it is safe to approach the man and possibly even talk to him without getting little more in return than a monosyllabic grunt and an attempt to continue to watch the TV even whilst the woman is standing right in front of it.

As the inventor of the wristband herself, said:

When the wristband is green, indicating a win for his team, it may even be possible to have a conversation with him, maybe even about soft furnishings, or perhaps the possibility of going to visit your relatives for an extended stay, without him suddenly remember an important event he must attend down at his local.

However, critics of the device have pointed out that it is too crude a system to be a reliable indicator of a man’s mood, with one pointing out that:

This device, although it can tell us women if our man’s team has won, drawn or lost, takes no account of other just as relevant indicators of the grumpy bastard’s moods. For example, every football fan has a team he hates as much, if no more, than he loves his own team. Their results, their league position, and how his mates who support that team are doing will all have an impact on his mood. As will the belief that he could do a far better job than his team’s current manager, and why they spent all that money on that hopeless new midfielder, whether or not to try poisoning the referee’s guide dog and many, many other factors.

All of these can affect a fan’s mood, but none more than those strange feelings he tries to ignore when he finds himself wondering what the new number 7 looks like when he is taking a shower right after the match. Just when he is all hot muddy and sweaty and the hot water is streaming down the muscles on his… er… excuse me a moment… must be off… urgent appointment… bye.