Anti-Terrorist Police Action

Following revelations that anti-terrorist police are urging internet café owners to spy on their own customers, in order to report any of those customers that may be visiting ‘inappropriate’ websites to the authorities, today the police announced they would be extending the scheme.

The original idea, that internet café owners would monitor all sites visited by their customers and report any visits to any websites from a list of sites regarded as ‘a bit dodgy’ given to them by the police, or any other internet activity by café customers who may look ‘a bit shifty’ has been hailed as a great success by anti-terrorist squad leaders.

Consequently, the police are extending the scheme to other places where the public can also congregate, such as takeaways and fish and chip shops.

As a spokesman for the Metropolitan Police Chief Constable said:

It is a well know fact that several recently apprehended Al-Ka-Hollix terrorists have visited fish and chip shops and ordered saveloys. Therefore the Metropolitan Police are now requesting that all owners of fish and chip shops - and other takeaway emporia serving saveloys - immediately report any such suspicious activity such as someone actually purchasing a saveloy, or – indeed – any enquires about the availability of saveloys, or any other related product, to their local police immediately, especially if the customer seems a bit foreign-looking and looks as though he might enjoy a drink or two.

Asked for a comment about the implications of this policy on people’s right to privacy a spokesman for the Home office responded:

Quite obviously, as this government has been aware of for some time, this whole idea of privacy, having a private life, is outdated and outmoded. Having a private life means that there is always the danger of someone – often quite deliberately – doing something which this government disapproves of, and – quite possibly – doing something we may have already banned. Obviously, this sort of thing can not be allowed to continue. Especially when people are contemplating taking some sort of action that is not in this government’s interest, like contemplating acts of terrorism, eating too many crisps, smoking in a public space or not voting Labour.