Survey Shows Men Better Than Women

A survey - produced by yet another brand looking for free publicity in newspapers desperate for some space-filler - has ‘discovered’ that – apparently – men are much better at lying in junk surveys than women are.

The results from the survey show that over 3% of men know what a vacuum cleaner looks like, and some claim to even know what that brush next to the toilet is there for.

As a researcher who has investigated this sort of survey pointed out, however:

This survey just goes to show just how good men are at telling blatant lies to any survey in the vain hope that it makes them look good.

As anthropologists have pointed out, in the ancient days of opinion polls, back in the latter half of the 20^th century, opinion polls were often carried out by women standing on the street corner with a clipboard. So, men quite naturally tried to come up with answers that would impress these women doing the surveys. Naturally, this sort of learnt behaviour has now carried on, even into modern anonymous online surveys.

On the other hand, with women, the bitter experience of trying to get a man to understand the concept of dust and the use of furniture polish will only make them dismiss this sort of survey with scorn and contempt.

However, the survey also shows that 85% men are willing to spend several hours a day doing the essential daily household task of flipping through the TV channels searching for something a bit raunchy and checking that the TV won’t accidentally show hours of football by mistake.

97% of men also claim that they spend at least 4 hours a day making sure that all the porn on the internet is kept safely away from prying eyes in a secret bookmark folder.

Well over 50% of men also claim that they see it as their job to make sure that the fridge is not too over-stocked with beer, especially during the vital World Cup period, when he knows the woman in his life likes to spend quality time on her own staring at the wall in the bedroom and wiping her eyes while she wonders just where did her life begin to go so wrong.

A spokeswoman for the survey-commissioning brand was delighted with the result:

We are so pleased with this survey. We couldn’t have got a better set of headline-grabbing results if we’d made them up ourselves, which – of course – we didn’t… Oh, no….

Anyway, this survey has managed to come up with some results that will create headlines in the newspapers that will certainly grab the attention of our market demographic, namely those women who spend a small fortune on our ‘beauty’ products in a vain attempt to try to hold on to their rapidly-fading youth, and - of course - on the off-chance that they one day manage to get themselves trapped in a lift with George Clooney.