As is so often the case, when she arrives at your front door naked under her coat and – this time - carrying an accordion and a grapefruit, you know you are in for another evening of her latest How to Improve Your Sex-Life sexual technique hastily cribbed from whatever some magazine or website contributor has re-imagined some ‘scientific’ research, hastily cobbled together by some cosmetic company’s bogus ‘laboratory’ or by the PR department of a former polytechnic eager to boost its media profile.
Still, however, the one last week – apparently from the leading article in one of those women’s magazines that likes to point out we are all doing sex wrong – which involved the tin of anchovies, Val Doonican’s back catalogue and a pedalo, did turn out to be much more rewarding than I’d originally anticipated, when she arrived half an hour late. Mainly because acquiring a pedalo at this time of year is not all that easy to obtain, even for hire, especially with us living so far from the seaside.
It was worth it though, just to see the looks on the neighbour’s faces as they watched us trying to launch a pedalo on our garden fish pond whilst trying to remember enough of the lyrics of Paddy McGintys Goat for us to achieve a simultaneous orgasm without spilling the contents of the tin of anchovies overboard and further upsetting some already rather perturbed koi carp.
Still, though, as I remarked later in our mutual post-coital glow, I do enjoy having anchovies on my pizza… not only that, there was a not inconsiderable discount on the out of season pedalo hire too… so a successful evening all round, I think.
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