Natural Yogurt

As they say: ‘Fine words butter no sexual-experimentalist’, but that doesn’t apply in this case… as we used natural yogurt instead of the butter.

However, a word of caution to anyone else considering experimenting in this fashion: steer well clear of the unnatural yogurt, unless – of course – your particular kink, fetish or political leanings are that way inclined and your actions are not going to case undue distress to the rest of the post office queue.

Of course, you will need a large paintbrush to apply the yogurt, although a smaller one may become necessary for all the crevices, creases and other places of interest, especially those around Ludlow… and the fold of the elbow. For those with a greater than average interest in pies, maybe some sort of automatic yogurt-spraying device may prove more useful for the increased surface area such an enthusiastic diet often brings about, especially if there is a chance of you missing something interesting on the telly. Although my experience of paint-spraying technology indicates that you are unlikely to miss anything in the vicinity of the operation.

Still, we did decide – in the end – that all the effort, expense and yogurt was well worth the effort, for – as she so wisely pointed out – the remainder of the natural yogurt does come in handy for the traditional post-coital kebab.