The Frank Display of Uncovered Elbows

It is not totally unknown for someone who has the elbows of a classically-trained Cornish pasty eater to frequent some of the less salubrious arenas for the display of undressed full-frontal elbows, even though they have read – and understood – several of Schopenhauer’s less well-known knitting patterns.

As everyone is now aware the display of uncovered elbows in mixed company was removed from the list of criminal activities during the last days of John Major’s premiership – mainly in order to get some good publicity for a government that contained both Norman Lamont and Michael Howard. However, such was the outrage in several of the more staunchly conservative constituencies, the Unadorned Elbow Act of 1996 was henceforth mainly blamed for both the loss of the 1997 election and the subsequent choice of William Hague as the next Conservative leader.

It became apparent though, that – as usual – the more reactionary wing of the Conservative party was wildly out of touch with the mood of the rest of the country. Soon - despite many of the tabloids taking it as a sign of the collapse of society – naked elbow were soon seen all over the country and in all walks of life. Even those members of the Catholic clergy who had been defrocked over their consorting with people with uncovered elbows were allowed back in polite society, but only after the choirboys had been moved to a place of safety.

Despite this fundamental change to society, and the seeming acceptance by the vast majority that uncovered elbows in mixed company is here to stay for the foreseeable future there are still some who oppose such liberalisations of the law. Strict Uttabolluxers, of course, believe that all women should – for religious reasons – spend their entire lives inside cardboard boxes when in mixed company and therefore regard uncovered female elbows as a danger to both men and their goat flocks.

However, the majority of people being both pragmatic and sensible gave up listening to what fundamentalist religious nutters say a long time ago and just get on with things without making a fuss. It is because of this attitude in the majority of the UK’s citizens that none of us need fear a return to the dark days of mandatory elbow covering anytime in the foreseeable future, despite what the opponents of uncovered elbows wish.