Blancmange Behind the Ears

So, anyway… well, sort of…. You know how it is…. At least, I assume so. You look like a man… women…. Er… being of the world…. Well, of some sort of world, quite possibly – maybe, on second thoughts – from some other dimension, some other reality… quite possibly one with differing aesthetic concepts to our own.

However, be that as it may, or – in your particular case – may not necessarily, be. Let us consider….

Hang on….

Right, let’s….

Oh, where was I?

Where you intending to do that…? Especially as I am about to pontificate on the matters in hand….

Well, the matters in my hand. You – I think – had better make sure you wash yours thoroughly as soon as you finish, especially if you are going to put that… you little furry friend… back in its cage, hopefully after you’ve cleaned all the blancmange off it, especially behind the ears. After all, you don’t want the vet to be asking those – I thought, at the time, rather impertinent – questions again, do you?

Still, as I was about to say….

Oohh!

Is that one of the new ones?

The new model?

Now that is fascinating. Do they have to be this colour though, or can you get other colours… and does it have to vibrate like that, especially in the vicinity of your…. Er…. ‘friend’.

I presume it is still compatible with that… er… shall we say ‘rather specialist’ app that you found so much use for, especially in those lay-bys and truck stops late at night.

Hmmm…. I still don’t know if I want one, after all my tastes are not quite as specialised as yours… as the judge – I thought – so rightly said during his summing up. Still, now though, we all realise it is not quite as illegal as everyone thought at the time, especially not the way you hold the badminton racquet.

Anyway, as I was saying….