Bringing Parliament into Disrepute

A banana…? Well, I think we can all agree that the less said about that the better, especially in a context such as this. Admittedly there is a certain amount of ambiguity about the photographic evidence, especially in these days of Photoshop and other such digital manipulations. However, even you must admit the marmoset looks more than a little disconcerted, especially considering the stick of seaside rock was not even unwrapped at the time.

Unfortunately, in these more louche days, it does take slightly more than this to make a real political scandal, after all the relevant MP – unnamed here for legal reasons, although for various illegal reasons he can be named as Quisling Rotten-Borough, the long-severing MP for Upper Piddlington under Marsh – is on the Transport select committee. Therefore, he is authorised by the Sergeant-at-Arms of the Houses of Parliament to be in possession of an official government banana when the house is in session. Just how he got access to the official House of Lords marmoset and the Lower House Speaker’s own ceremonial stick of seaside rock, is a completely different question and – consequently – under investigation by the House Privileges Committee.

Some traditionalists, and those who wish to safeguard the long history of the Houses of Parliament, will, of course, be aghast at how the actions of this one MP can bring the whole Houses of Parliament – both the Upper and Lower Chambers into disrepute like this, and hereby threaten the whole edifice of parliamentary democracy with just one banana.

However, those wishing to bring the Houses of Parliament into the 21^st century and remove all these old, ancient traditions will point to an episode like this as demonstrating a need for rapid and fundamental change.

The rest of us, less interested in the arcane and often pointless-seeming rituals of this world unto itself, however, will just be hoping that, one day soon, the official parliamentary marmoset will recover from this ordeal and be able to take up its ceremonial duties once again.