The Topographical Re-Orienteering of an Ecclesiastical Gentleman

Of course, any topographical re-orienteering of, say, an ecclesiastical gentleman to face the - much more theologically-correct – north-northeast, is not as un-problematical as doing the same to a physicist, or even a chemical engineer, even without the appropriate set of pulleys and a chocolate teacake. Why this should be so, is – of course – a conundrum that has plagued the minds and tea-breaks of some of the greatest minds from as far afield as Northumberland, sometimes even as far into the Scottish borderlands, albeit only when a fair wind is blowing.

Now, it is often said that the correct orienteering of the theologically-inclined personage was as much to do with an attempt to counter the over the border rampages by the Scots as was the building of various defensive fortifications in that benighted area.

However, as the amount of damage caused by savagely hurled tins of shortbread shows on these very buildings, this was not always as successful as the inhabitants of those areas had hoped. However, it is a well-known fact that any person who comes into the close vicinity of anyone with a deep interest in the inanities of religion will soon wish to be elsewhere as soon as possible.

All this does overlook just why the sporran was invented and why the untamed haggis will still – even after the passage of the centuries in-between these times and now – still strike terror into the heart of an English clergyman.