The Minding Other People’s Business Squad

Pingpong Spendthrift was just walking down the street one day when suddenly something happened which would change the whole course of her life. Normally, Spendthrift was employed as a local council Minder of Other People’s Business, which involved her interfering in the lives of ordinary people in a way that would have even a few decades ago be regarded as unthinkable.

Not only did she – quite piously – inform them of how much alcohol they should drink, that they should not even consider being in any enclosed space with anyone who had the audacity to smoke in the presence of others, how many vegetables and pieces of fruit they should eat per day, the frequency of their sexual activity and who they had it with, what kind of jokes they were allowed to make and on what officially-approved subjects, she could also take it in her head to issue decrees and directives based on whatever piece of government-approved spurious research took her fancy that week.

Anyway she was out that morning, a fine summer morning just after the election which had brought about the end of the Labour government that had put into place the superstructure that gave Spendthrift her very well-remunerated career, when she saw someone blatantly considering thinking about entering a fast food emporium, instead of the greengrocer just two doors down the street.

Immediately, Spendthrift strode up to the potential miscreant, flashed her official Minding Other People’s Business warrant card and began to hector her suspect about the dangers of over-indulgence in fast food, especially that produced by American corporations, the evils of capitalism which enabled people to choose what they wanted instead of having the government – in all its infinite wisdom – make such choices for them, and Spendthrift’s suspicion that the alleged miscreant was not standing there being hectored in a suitably respectful non-gender-specific and ethnically diverse manner, which to Spendthrift’s mind could easily be regarded as an attempted bulling of a government-decreed busybody going about her lawful interference in other people’s business.

However, the potential suspect, on being read his rights by Spendthrift, instead of holding out his hands to be handcuffed so that Spendthrift could arrange to have him transported to the local Government citizen re-education unit, turned on his heels and blatantly entered the fast food premises, saying:

Frankly, my dear, I couldn’t give a shit! Now, fuck off and leave me alone.

And then, with her suspect’s refusal to be cowed, the only sound Spendthrift could hear, as he strode away from her, was the sound of her entire world falling to pieces around her.