Front-Line Public Service

Gladioli Permeablemembranes was just an ordinary local government Gravity-Awareness Co-Ordinator, working hard to make sure that no-one in her local area ever forgot the importance of gravity in their lives, especially those officially designated as gravity-poor and/or of a sexually, religiously, ethnically, or some other officially-sanctioned ‘minority’ grouping.

Of course, it is quite common for people going about their busy normal day-to-day lives to occasionally forget the vital role that gravity often plays in their lives, and Permeablemembranes say it as her – almost sacred – duty to make sure that people were aware of gravity and how it could affect them as much as was possible.

She had already leafleted every household in her area of responsibility about the 10 Most Important Effects Of Gravity, and had employed a team of 50 special Gravity Inspectors to go from door to door in her local area to ask everyone they met how gravity affected their lives and what the local council could do to help them cope with the – sometimes – unfortunate effects – of gravity on their lives.

Permeablemembranes hoped that the data from her extensive survey would produce some eye-catching graphs that she could use to show just how gravity affected the lives of everyone in the local area, and in some cases made the poor unfortunates with what she called Excess-Gravity Syndrome unable to get up off their couches to even go to the fridge to get more essential life-sustaining pies to help them cope with what seemed like a huge excess of gravity in their lives.

Unfortunately though, Permeablemembranes was unable to ever fulfil her dream of everyone in the UK having a fair and equitable amount of gravity in their lives, regardless of ethnicity, gender, sexual preference, hairiness of knee or any other such socially-disadvantageous grouping they could be classed as belonging to, because the Evil Tory government cut her funding completely before she could even begin.