Sometimes there is all the celery a man and/or woman could desire, stretching out across the great open plains of the kitchen, other times there is none. It is therefore a somewhat profound metaphor for the human condition. Sometimes our lives have too much celery, other times not enough or even none at all.
Now, in a funny way, that would remind someone on R4’s Thought for the Day about something Jesus said when he and the disciples were out shopping in their local supermarket, perhaps something like the Parable of the Two for the Price of One Offers, or the Parable of the Checkout Queue.
However, that is religion and we are grown-ups here, having no need for such fairy tales. Instead we will speak of the social forces that create the demand for celery and the political systems that have brought bout the time of plentiful celery we now live in, and what causes the great Welsh Celery Famine of the early 1800s and so on and so forth. Those on the left will call for greater redistribution of celery on a more equitable basis, and we of the more considered views will smile indulgently at their somewhat endearing naivety.
Then we will talk of the great role celery has played thought the history of mankind in science, art and culture, and how Newton, Shakespeare, Mozart and Einstein would not have been the towering figures in our civilisation without their almost instinctive understanding of celery.
Then, maybe, just maybe, you will look up, look me in the eye and say – with profound sincerity: ‘Just shut the fuck up about the celery, ok?’
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