Government Announce Shock Pre-Budget Cut

In a sudden shock pre-budget announcement the coalition government of the UK has announced a public service cut that has outraged the Labour opposition. The Chancellor of the Exchequer this morning announced that the coalition is to close down the Labour government’s flagship Walls database in order to save the several billion pounds it costs to run each year.

The Walls database was set up by the then chancellor Gordon Brown at an estimated cost of £17 billion, with running costs expected to be in the region of £8 billion a year, in order to catalogue every wall in the UK. The database was to contain the exact dimensions of every wall throughout the UK from the smallest dry wall around the smallest field in Yorkshire right up to the tallest buildings in London, with the position of each wall precisely located using satellite tracking. Then, using a complex formula invented by Gordon Brown himself, the database was meant to calculate from these details about the wall, precisely how much of the tax payer’s money the Labour government could then piss up it.

In a reaction to the coalition chancellor’s shock announcement, a stunned Labour Treasury spokesman said:

This is just typical of the Evil Tories and their yellow running dog Lib-Dem stooges. It is the duty of every government to take as much money as it can off the population in order to make sure that it pisses it away up as many walls as it can. I suppose destroying the database will enable the Evil Tories to piss it all up their rich city friend’s walls instead.

However, a spokeswoman for the coalition government’s Treasury Department said:

Just why the last government need this expensive, pointless and intrusive database we have absolutely no idea. Not only was it a massive waste of tax-payer’s money, it was just bureaucracy gone mad. Just why they felt the need to have a database of every wall in the country we have no idea, unless it was to further intrude into the day-to-day lives of ordinary citizens in a way we haven’t thought of yet.

Anyway, why they should want such a database when every previous Labour government in history has always managed to find more than enough walls to piss tax payer’s money up without a database like this we just don’t understand.

However, one leftwing Labour MP said:

This is a sad day, a very sad day. A massive disaster for this country that is bound to prolong this recession bought about by the failures of capitalism to make enough money for the Labour government to keep taking most of it off them. Without this database we will no longer be able to achieve social justice in this country.

For while there are some people who have big walls, and some people who have small walls, and even some people who have no walls at all true equality will never be achieved. We need a single standard official government-approved and authorised wall for every citizen in the UK, no matter how rich or poor and the government of the day should piss an equal amount of tax payer’s money away up each one. Only then will we be able to say we live in an equal, socially-just country.