Scientists Warn: Blair Portal Closing

Scientists, earlier today, confirmed that the wormhole in space that allowed Tony Blair to appear in this dimension of reality is beginning to close. Tony Blair’s once supposedly unassailable reputation as ‘a pretty straight kind of guy’, did somewhat begin to falter when it was revealed that he was, in fact, an intergalactic con-man from an alternate dimension of the universe, and that he had set up the New Laborg Collective, from the remains of the moribund Labour Party, as a way of becoming first ruler of the Earth, and then - if he could get the backing of the UN, Emperor of the Universe and Lord of all Space and Time, ably assisted by his faithful henchman, the Dark Lord of Foy.

There was a time when it seemed Blair and his mighty Laborg Collective would rule forever, especially after his easy defeats of the Mekon, the Silent One and the Creature of the Night.

However, Flash Gordon from within the Laborg Collective eventually, after years of subterfuge and traitorous undermining of the Blair leadership, assumed control of the Laborg Collective just as the whole thing began to unravel when its internal socialistic underpinnings once more came into conflict with the laws of the universe.

As once scientist said:

If you take on the laws of the universe like that, then only one of you will be going home in an ambulance, and it won’t be the universe. That is a genuine scientific fact.

As far as scientist can tell, the wormhole that allowed the Blair entity to enter our universe links to an alternative dimension where the principles and philosophy of the political Left are not in direct contradiction with the laws of reality, as they are in this universe.

As a leading theoretical physicist explained:

In an infinite universe everything must be possible, even something as seemingly self-contradictory as left-wing ideology must – somewhere in the universe – be able to work, unlikely as that sounds. The Blair entity, as we came to know this being, must be from there.

Scientists believe that once the wormhole closes, the Blair entity will be sucked back into his own dimension – whether or not all his money and the alien being he calls his ‘wife’ will follow him back is – at the moment – causing some controversy amongst theoretical physicists, with some saying that if Cherie Blair does not go with him, then some way must be found of forcing her hack to her own dimension, possibly using an adaptation of the Large Hadron Collider to make it so.

However, scientists are confident that once the Blair entity returns to its own dimension, the perversion of reality that became known as the New Laborg Collective should fade quickly out of existence too, even in the far North where it grew strong and powerful ‘more powerful than you could possibly imagine’ as the Dark Lord of Foy once said, back in the heyday of the New Laborg Collective.