One Of The Founders Of The Uttabollux Religion

Patriarch Pointee El-Bow was not only one of the founders of the Uttabollux religion, he was one of the first to put the Stories of the Prophet Nhigel (MHPDM) and His Mates into the codified form we know them today, where they make up the majority of the second section of the Uttabollux Holy book, The Ladhifeah, the parts now known as The GhoodBhits.

The GhoodBhits are a collection of five accounts of the birth, life and death of the Prophet Nhigel (MHPDM) and they are – as all religious holy books should be – completely contradictory and bear absolutely no resemblance to any of the actual historical records of the period.

For example, only the GhoodBhits of Pointee El-bow and Tripemonger Lowe Al-Cohol feature the story of Nhigel’s (MHPDM) birth that has come to be known as the Uttabollux nativity, and even they contradict each other in many of the details, especially in the rather knowing tone adopted by Lowe Al-Cohol when he discusses Nhigel’s mother, Paula, and her alleged ‘virginity’ at the time of Nhigel’s birth, as well as her claims about just who the father actually was. This is especially problematic when Pointee El-bow points out that what the ‘virgin’ Paula described as the host of angels that she allegedly met in the alley behind a nightclub, who told her she was to give birth to the Holy prophet Nhigel, seemed to bear an uncanny resemblance to the first eleven of the local Premier League football team.

Despite this, and many other discrepancies strict Uttabolluxers are convinced that the Ladhifeah, and – especially – The GhoodBhits are without a doubt the actual creation of the Skhighhibhoss himself and thus anyone questioning their veracity should be shown the infinite mercy of the Skhighhibhoss himself by being immediately stones to death.

This has – of course – made theological debate around the Uttabollux religion rather limited, brief, and often quite bloody. Even, in some cases, leading to all-out war between various Uttabollux sects that last until one or other – and sometimes both – of the competing sects are completely wiped out and theological orthodoxy is thus re-established.