Just how many penguins have you seen in a chip shop recently?
Exactly!
My point, exactly.
Just what is the matter with penguins these days? Don't they like chips?
Anyway, when someone suggested a trip to the zoo I did ponder it for a while. However, in the end I declined. After all, I am not going to pay good money to be casually and disdainfully ignored by a bunch of disparate animals with - apparently - nothing better to do.
If I pay my money (and zoos are not exactly cheap, are they?) I want a bit of service, a bit of personal attention from the animals. I don't want the lions just lying there, alternately yawning and licking their arses. I especially do not see why someone of my standing in the local community should be subjected to a barrage of primate shit.
No, I'm afraid it is just not good enough. It is now time for zoos to catch up with the 20th, let alone the 21st, century. I want a lion who is interested in me as a person, interactive, willing to do something for its keep.
A zoo is - and those half-arsed animals living there at someone else’s expense seem to forget this - primarily entertainment. So, what about Strictly Llama Dancing, Donkey or No Donkey, Miss Marmoset 2010, The Cockatoo Show, The Zebra factor? All we want is a bit of imagination, some value for money. That is all we ask.
Oh, and another thing, flamingos, eh? Why only pink? Why not green, blue, rainbow even? Surely in this day and age….
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