The Contemporary Sporting Star

Depthcharge Pastrycake has become the first all-nude chicken intriguer to reach the exalted heights of celebrity status since the untimely death of the sport’s greatest practitioner Nasturtium Cheeseincident. There are hopes that the high media profile of Pastrycake will do for the sport what other such famous sportspeople - such as Eaglesprout Draingurgle for Standing Around In A Field For No Discernable Reason, Instance Traindisaster for Olympic sandwich eating - have all done for their sports over recent years.

Of course, it does help that Pastrycake has become a darling of the tabloid media, mainly – it is true – down to the demands of the sport, with its governing body insisting that its practitioners perform their chicken-intriguing stances whilst completely naked. It does seem to help, however, that Pastrycake has the sort of body that makes grown men drool and gibber, and would – quite possibly - make even the most devout priest reconsider his attitude towards the choirboys.

However, there are some fans of the noble sport who feel that to concentrate exclusively on the fact that its practitioners perform their art without the distraction of clothing could make newcomers to the sport overlook the sheer tactical finesse that is involved in intriguing a whole flock of chickens using just the human body.

Fans insist that the sport of chicken-intriguing, because it uses nothing else other than the naked body, no bats, no balls (except in the men’s event, obviously) and no other team members, the chicken intriguing is pure sport, sport in its ideal Platonic sense and should therefore be the one true sport that the others are mere pale copies of. Others though just like to see the naked human body performing the chicken-intriguing stances as a pure form of art – like ballet, like living sculpture, like a nude painting come to life or even like some of the more interestingly ‘artistic’ of the photo-shoots in gentlemen’s leisure magazines. All of which has made All-Nude Chicken Intriguing the massively popular spectator event it is today.