Don’t think this is easy, especially not in such inappropriate trouserings as those you are sporting at this moment. Certain trouserings are – as a matter of course – more appropriate than others at certain times and in certain situations. For example, remember that time you went on stage in Stockholm to receive your Nobel Prize for services to the Exceptionally Ordinary. You may have been dressed in a pair of football shorts, but normally such legwear is not considered appropriate for such formal occasions. This is especially so when paired with fishnet stockings and Doc Martens. But you like to see yourself as an artist, so I suppose certain allowances must be made for your increasingly desperate attempts at ‘individuality’.
On the other hand a wetsuit is not normally considered the ideal leg covering for our continued adventures in high-energy physics experiments. No matter who claims it helps keep the neutrinos out on a chilly day, as we all know subatomic particles can play havoc with the circulation in the legs, especially when accelerated to near light speed.
In Scotland, of course, the kilt has been traditionally worn when giving chase to the wild haggis. Even if only to give the lasses something to laugh at when the men take a tumble up on the crags and their sporrans take something of a battering. However, caution must be exercised if entering an area of the Highlands where feral bagpipes have been allowed to go native as an attack up the kilt by enraged bagpipes is no laughing matter, especially in the mating season.
So, in the interests of safety, both your own and that of other people in the vicinity always make sure your putative trouserings will be suitable for whatever you have planned for the day. Unless, of course, she has strongly intimated that such attire will be unnecessary, at least for a while.
[Books by David Hadley are available here (UK) or here (US)]
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